“We Were Just Butt Fighting!!!”

I love having children, but occasionally we have strange issues. Strange issues to address AND not crack up about. Enter in my children yesterday:

Crying child #2 - “Daddy! He hurt my head”
Child #1 – shouting from other room - “No I didn’t he fell”
Child #2 – not crying now - “Yes he did! He MADE me fall!”
Child #1 – “No I didn’t, YOU just lost!”
Me - “Lost what??”
Child #1 - “The battle.”
Me – “What were you ‘battling’ about?”
Child #1 - “Crayons.”
Me - “Why? We have like 8,000 of them…”
Child #2 - “I wanted his blue!”
Me – “Did you use words and ASK for it or just take it?”
Child #2 – No answer, head hanging low, finally “No, but I wanted it”.
Me – directed to child #1 – “Did you hit him or something?”
Child #1 – “I didn’t mean to make him fall though, I just wanted the crayon!”
Me – “Don’t knock your brother over, use your words or go get someone if he’s not responding to you.”

Here is where I lose all semblance of respect in this conversation…

Child #1 – “But Dad! I didn’t mean to hurt him, I really didn’t! He hurt himself… I didn’t even punch him! We were just butt fighting!!!”

I lost it, I think I collapsed I was laughing so hard.

I had them recreate the “butt fight”. It was something along the lines of two angry wrestlers giving a chest bump… running backwards… and attempting to impale each other… with their butts…

And then I laughed some more and we all totally forgot about the blue crayon.