So, I’m sure this is almost universal after taking a vacation, but I had a really tough time undigging my self today at work. A lot more than usual after a vacation.
Though it’s almost universally known to everyone with an email account who’s talked to my wife in the last year or two, I figured it’s time to break the silence about life in casa de Killur these days. In another bump along life’s road, my wife is pregnant and we’ve been officially diagnosed to have a baby with trisomy18. T18 is basically a chromosomal defect that prevents life to any certain duration. Most everyone at work knows this, and fortunately there are a few who are looking for ways to help me and not annoy me at work. But most people just ask rude and annoying questions.
It’s so difficult going through this a third time. And no, please don’t start emailing me like last time telling me how “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” or “it’s just supposed to be this way” or “it just wasn’t meant to be”. Phrases like these, I have determined, do not help the recipient but the issuer. They feel better and less awkward about someone’s suffering. And honestly, I would much rather have someone feel awkward and say “whoa” and walk out of my office than say something dumb (which other than a select few, is what usually happens).
It’s one of those trying “Do you really believe what you ‘believe’?” kind of dilemmas we are faced with. There is a certain chance (however infinitesimally small) that the baby may not have T18 and just has a rare birth defect called CDH (which is basically a hole in her diaphragm that lets her stomache compress her lungs). But scientifically stated, shes all but certainly has T18. God COULD heal her, which of course is what we pray for. But I’m / We’re also not so naive to not prepare for what will almost certainly happen.
Here comes the rub: dealing with incredibly rude and insensitive “I can’t really handle your choices” comments. These, today, have included:
“Really, you haven’t already aborted the baby yet?!?” – The woman who JUST HAD a baby a month ago.
“So, you aren’t going to get rid of it?” – An idiot who works on my floor who is usually a little loose with words.
“Wow. I could so never do that. You’re nuts.” – Another idiot.
So, the frustrating part is that I DO certainly want to engage in meaningful conversations with people at my office. I do. It’s generally my belief that short of a few things (love life, finances, political beliefs), that a cellophane life is quite typically refreshing at work. But the problem is that I DON’T want peoples advice. If I did, I would ask for it. The problem is, do I fold up the ultrasound on my door? Or do I leave it and endure more hard words and awkward conversations.
I think of a recent sermon where my pastor pointed out that Jesus is the “King of Peace”. As such, he brought, well, peace, to peoples lives. As a follower of Jesus, it should be a peaceful thing to be around us / me. So, I struggle with this. I don’t want to pretend that nothing is happening. That is stupid. But I don’t want to be the “weird birth defect baby” guy.
What a struggle. Just pray for me.
And don’t leave stupid comments, unless they’re “stupid smartass” and not “stupid-I’m-giving-unrequested-advice” comments.
